GOBBLER’S KNOB, (Groundhog Day 2014) — At approximately 7:25 A.M. ET today, Punxsutawney Phil — the Seer of Seers, Prognosticator of Prognosticators — emerged from his burrow at Gobbler’s Knob in Punxsutawney, PA, and proclaimed, in his native Groundhogese, that Fighter of the Decade MANNY “Pacman” PACQUIAO would regain the WBO welterweight title when he rumbles again with undefeated defending world champion TIMOTHY “Desert Storm” BRADLEYon Saturday, April 12, at the MGM Grand Garden Arena in Las Vegas., Nev. Promoted by Top Rank®, in association with MP Promotions and Tecate, the world welterweight championship rematch between these pound-for-pound titans will be produced and distributed live by HBO Pay-Per-View®, beginning at 9:00 p.m. ET / 6:00 p.m. PT.
“Without a shadow of a doubt, Bradley is going to get iced — Manila Iced — when he faces the Pacquiao Polar Vortex,” said the world’s No. 1 pound for pound quadruped during his annual news conference. “Pacquiao is going to Arctic blast Bradley off his world championship throne. Can Bradley win the rematch? He has a better shot of making it across the George Washington Bridge from Fort Lee in one day.”
Wearing a traditional Barong, El PHILipino was headed to Pittsburgh International Airport to catch a flight to Los Angeles International Airport where he will join members of the Pacman Nation in welcoming boxing’s only eight-division world champion when he arrives today on Philippine Airlines flight 102 at 6:40 p.m. PT.
When pressed for a definitive answer on whether Bradley had a chance to defeat Pacquiao, Phil astounded the media by answering in Tagalog and in English.
Quoth the groundhog, “Hinding-hindi na. Nevermore.”