PUNXSUTAWNEY PHIL PREDICTS
WILL REMAIN WORLD CHAMPION
SIX WEEKS FROM NOW!
GOBBLER'S KNOB, (Groundhog Day 2011) — At approximately 7:25 A.M. today, Punxsutawney Phil — the Seer of Seers, Prognosticator of all Prognosticators — emerged from his burrow at Gobbler's Knob in Punxsutawney, Penn, and proclaimed, in his native Groundhogese, that the Pride of Puerto Rico, MIGUEL COTTO, would successfully defend his World Boxing Association (WBA) super welterweight title against two-division world champion and No. 1-rated loudmouth Ricardo “El Matador” Mayorga on Saturday, March 12, at the MGM Grand in Las Vegas, Nev!
“It‘s five more weeks of training for Miguel Cotto and Hall of Fame Trainer Manny Steward,” stated Phil as he shadowboxed during his annual news conference. “Miguel is going to exit the ring the same way he entered it — as world champion.”
The world's most famous forecaster, wearing a Cotto headband and a T-shirt emblazoned with “Viva Puerto Rico” on the front, continued with his victory prediction for Cotto, who has held a world title every year since 2004.
“I'm very bullish on Miguel Cotto. He's the economic stimulus that will continue to spur boxing's growth and popularity. On March 12, Miguel will be unstoppable. It will be lights out in Mayorgaville!” exclaimed Phil.
When pressed for a definitive answer on whether Mayorga had a chance to defeat Cotto, Phil astounded the media by answering in English.
Quoth the groundhog, “Nevermore.”