Give your keys to Lloyd Dobler, boxing fans, because it’s time to get rosy-cheeked and full-bladdered with another edition of the 24/7 Drinking Game. The Manny Pacquiao-Juan Manuel Marquez III version of HBO’s reality-series-slash-promotional-vehicle kicked off on Saturday night, and while the once universally acclaimed show now seems to draw as many boos as cheers, one thing remains true: 24/7 always goes down smoother with booze and “Cheers!”
(For the record, I enjoyed this weekend’s premiere episode of 24/7 Pacquiao-Marquez, but based upon the comments made by boxing folks I follow on Twitter and the comments that those folks re-tweeted, I might just be in the minority.)
A quick statement of the obvious before we begin the drinking game: TSS does not advocate the consumption of alcoholic beverages by minors. So if you’re under 21, you can read along, but don’t play along. And don’t ask Editor Mike to purchase your liquor for you, because he’s a man of high moral character. (Unless you slip him a c-note, in which case he’s happy to become the older brother you never had.) (EM Note: In this economy, I’m susceptible to a mere ten spot lol…)
And with that, let’s get ready to stumble … home drunk, with the 24/7 Pacquiao-Marquez Drinking Game:
Drink a glass of your own urine at the start of every episode because, hey, that’s just smart healthy living, right?
Drink a glass of raw quail eggs if the thought of urine consumption wasn’t quite enough to make you quit this drinking game.
Drink once anytime they show fight action from Pacquiao-Marquez I.
Drink twice anytime they show fight action from Pacquiao-Marquez II.
Chug whatever’s left in your fridge if they show fight action from Pacquiao-Marquez III, because that’s your cue that the fight has started, the 24/7 show is over, and thus the drinking game is wrapping up.
Drink a Horse’ Neck (brandy and ginger ale with a lemon zest) every time they show a close-up of Pacquiao’s calves.
Drink a liquefied bagel if you didn’t know prior to Marquez saying it that the Spanish word for cream cheese is “Philadelphia.”
Drink a shot of Old Grand-Dad if Pacquiao yells to his father Rosaleo Pacquiao, “I ain’t no junior!”
Drink a shot with one hand and pat yourself on the back with the other every time an HBO executive gets a gratuitous moment of screen time.
Drink a Kamikaze every time they show clips of Pacquiao fighting prior to 2005.
Drink a Slippery Nipple if they show the clip of Pacquiao suffering a “knockdown” against Shane Mosley last time out.
Drink a pint of your own blood anytime Jorge Linares makes an appearance.
Drink a cup of bleach if Pacquiao is shown consoling Linares and comes away with a red stain on his nice white shirt.
Knock out your two front teeth and enjoy a Black Tooth Grin (Crown Royal and Coke) if
you find yourself wishing Marquez would fire Nacho Beristain and hire Roger Mayweather to liven up 24/7.
Send me a bottle of champagne to congratulate me for the coining the term “Pacne” to describe Manny’s apparent second adolescence. (HD technology is definitely not Pacquiao’s friend at the moment.)
Send me another bottle of champagne if any of the Mayweathers are quoted in the next week or two pointing to Manny’s outbreak of Pacne as evidence that he’s on steroids.
Drink a Mind Eraser each time an episode ends and HBO has conveniently managed to ignore the existence of the one-sided Mayweather-Marquez fight.
Dip a teabag in hot water and drink anytime Joe Cortez is shown refereeing the first Pacquiao-Marquez fight.
Drink a shot glass full of your own tears if you’re sad about the absence of both Miss Jackson and Bella Gonzalez from this 24/7 series.
Drink a Fuzzy Navel anytime Pacquiao playfully pops Buboy Fernandez in the belly. Drink two Fuzzy Navels if you’re sad that you can see Buboy’s roundest feature but can’t see the roundest features of Bella or Miss Jackson.
Drink a Matador (tequila, pineapple juice, and lime juice) if you find yourself reminiscing about how much more handsome Marquez was back when he was younger and a defensive specialist.
Pour whatever’s left in your bottle down the drain wastefully when Freddie Roach explains, “There’s only like four of us that really have a job in [Pacquiao’s] entourage.”
Drink a bottle of Dos Equis if you spot The Most Interesting Man In The World among Pacquiao’s entourage.
Drink a bottle of Tecate because, hey, they’re Tecate and they support boxing.
Drink a whole case of Tecate because it usually comes with a rebate offer that makes your pay-per-view bill ever so slightly more palatable. Or, at the very least, a whole case of Tecate should help you to black out and forget about how expensive it is to be a boxing fan.
Eric Raskin can be contacted at RaskinBoxing@yahoo.com. You can follow him on Twitter @EricRaskin and listen to new episodes of his podcast, Ring Theory, at http://ringtheory.podbean.com.