RASKIN’S RANTS: Tipping A Few Back In Good Fun, Pouring One Out In Sheer Sadness

In the current boxing game, we unfortunately get only three fights a year that cross over to “major event” status with mainstream America: the two times each year that Manny Pacquiao fights and the one time each year that Floyd Mayweather fights. And it’s been nearly two years since one of those events delivered real thrills (Pacquiao vs. Miguel Cotto), so maybe we’re due.

Whether Mayweather vs. Victor Ortiz turns out to be a memorable fight or not, the 24/7 series building toward it certainly has people talking. So we begin the column with an email about HBO’s reality show:

Hey Eric,

I can still clearly recall the hilarious 24/7 drinking games on some of the Pacquiao fights. Now my question is, how come you never do this for Mayweather 24/7’s? I’ll try to inspire you as follows:

Take a double-shot of Cristal every time Mayweather says “I’m the best,” and if you are rich and/or like to get drunk fast, you can also take one when he says “I’m the greatest” or “I’m a future HOF’er” or “’I’m a legend” or “I’m better than Sugar Ray” or “I’m better than Ali”

Have a 41% alcohol schnapps and a bottle of water, and take a big sip or shot of both of them every time Mayweather says “I’m 41 and 0”

Have a shot of the cheapest available tequila every time Ortiz talks about his rough childhood

Have a shot of the best available tequila every time Ortiz says that he is “something/somebody now,” referring to the time after his win over Berto

With your creativity, you could certainly make up many more. Anyway, keep up the good work!

Kind regards all the way from Switzerland,

Hi Domingo,

Wow, I have fans in Switzerland, huh? Hope you’re not a Swiss banker …

For the record, I did do a 24/7 drinking game article for the Mayweather-Marquez series (I’m pretty sure there were jokes about the use of subtitles for both the Spanish-speaking Marquez camp and the ostensibly-English-speaking Mayweather camp). But after doing the drinking game columns three or four times, I’ve run out of steam and material. That’s why I didn’t do one for Mayweather-Ortiz.

But you’ve convinced me to throw a few ideas out there, so here goes:

Sip on gin and juice every time Mayweather is shown with a hip-hop artist. Make it a generic non-name-brand gin if you’ve never heard of the hip-hop artist in question.

Spit out your gin and juice in disbelief if someone is described on-screen as “CEO, Mayweather Music.”

Drink a shot glass full of your own tears if Ortiz begins to cry describing some element of his childhood.

Drink a fountain soda with free refills every time Cornelius Boza-Edwards and Roger Mayweather go to Quizno’s together.

Drink so much that you black out if you want to forget the uncomfortable ridiculousness of Mayweather showing off his excessive lifestyle to considerably less comfortable soldiers in Afghanistan.

Drink like a fish if Ortiz insists on spending a day on a boat with his team nine days before the biggest fight of his life.

Stop drinking so you can savor every spectacular moment if Floyd Sr. and Floyd Jr. are on screen together.

Okay, enough with the miniature mailbag and the miniature 24/7 drinking game. Let’s get to this week’s Rants:

I’m sure many readers are expecting me to comment in detail on the news that the editorial staff of The Ring magazine was fired last week, and at some point, I probably will. But I need time to properly process everything, figure out what behind-the-scenes shenanigans I can reveal without getting people I care about in trouble and jeopardizing my own career, and generally figure out how to express my viewpoints without it all sounding like sour grapes. For now, I’ll just repeat a couple of things I said last week on Ring Theory, just a few hours after learning the news: I’m devastated for Nigel Collins, a good man who loves boxing and made The Ring his life’s work and had it ripped away from him for reasons that had nothing to do with his job performance; and I’m saddened for anyone who enjoyed reading The Ring over the last three decades or so and treasured the quality of the long-form boxing writing contained therein, because THAT magazine is effectively dead.

We often criticize opponents of the Klitschko brothers for their lack of effort or absence of a game plan (though most of us acknowledge the Klitschkos are usually the cause of those shortcomings). In the case of Tomasz Adamek, we can’t criticize his effort or his game plan. He tried everything he could. He let his hands go. He attempted to get inside. He soaked up what he needed to soak up. And it wasn’t anywhere close to enough. Maybe Adamek isn’t all that good of a heavyweight and wouldn’t have fared any better against a prime Evander Holyfield, Larry Holmes, Joe Frazier, etc. But let’s still bestow full credit upon Vitali Klitschko for beating a highly rated contender who gave himself every possible chance to win.

I like the way Mike Woods phrased his feelings on Yuriorkis Gamboa on Twitter: “Is Gamboa less than the sum of his parts?” It remains to be seen whether or not the tremendously gifted Gamboa will be more Roy Jones than Zab Judah.

I want to scoff at the notion of Gamboa ever facing the man he called out after last weekend’s win, Manny Pacquiao. But then again, I scoffed at the notion of a 130-pound Floyd Mayweather calling out a 147-pound Oscar De La Hoya back in the late-’90s.

Speaking of Pacquiao, he’s one of my absolute favorite fighters, but am I the only who immediately deletes any emails and skips past any links that mention Dan Hill or “Sometimes When We Touch”?

So, Wladimir Klitschko vs. Jean-Marc Mormeck, huh? I warned you in last week’s column about the heavyweights that, in a post Vitali-Adamek world, it would keep getting worse before it gets better.

Sign number 46,312 that there are too many belts and, therefore, too many number-one contenders: Lateef Kayode, the very definition of a developing prospect who probably would be best served spending another 18 months or so building slowly toward a fight with an elite cruiserweight, is rated as a number-one contender somewhere. Not to knock Kayode’s performance against Felix Cora Jr. last weekend, but it’s probably not a good sign when the thing I’ll remember your fight for is the hanging ShoBox ring microphone whacking a cornerman in the face at the conclusion of the bout.

Also, a technical note for Kayode: You’re allowed to punch with other parts of the gloves besides the heel. The knuckle area, for example, is recommended by some trainers.

Vince Carter has made a formal request that Vincent Arroyo cease and desist with his use of the “Vinsanity” nickname. Carter’s statement explains that Arroyo “puts forth entirely too much effort when competing,” and he therefore misrepresents the Vinsanity brand.

Additionally, sports fans from the city of Buffalo feels Arroyo is misrepresenting them. You know, by winning.

Time for a line with absolutely no sarcasm or attempted humor: Circle the date October 29 on your calendar. That’s when Hernan “Tyson” Marquez faces Luis Concepcion for a second time.

Much as I enjoy writing my pay-per-view running diary columns, I won’t be able to pen one following the Mayweather-Ortiz show, as I’ll be at the fight live in Las Vegas. Yes, I’m deliberately rubbing that in for all of you who aren’t fortunate enough to be there. And if I happen to Skype with any troops serving in Afghanistan, I’ll make sure to rub it in twice as hard for them.

• If you missed my conversation with Bill Dettloff breaking the news about the end of The Ring as we know it, you can still listen to it on Ring Theory (http://ringtheory.podbean.com). Feel free to subscribe to our show with the money you won’t be using to renew your subscription to the magazine.

Eric Raskin can be contacted at RaskinBoxing@yahoo.com. You can follow him on Twitter @EricRaskin and listen to new episodes of his podcast, Ring Theory, at http://ringtheory.podbean.com.


-Radam G :

Nice arse rants. Holla!