20 Boxer Rules
This is a collection of rules that every boxer must live by. The rules are to be followed at all times. They can only be changed by the creators at Ringside Books and even that requires a majority vote.
Please read them, learn them and live them.
1) When walking into a dressing room, under no circumstances shall a boxer choose a locker adjacent to a locker already being used, unless, of course, it’s the very last locker available.
2) After you got the better of your sparring partner, it is imperative that you even it out a bit by telling him he landed a really great shot and you were momentarily stunned.
3) No boxer shall spend more than two minutes in front of the mirror. If more time is required, a three-minute waiting-time period must be allowed before returning to the mirror.
4) When a female boxer asks you to spar, you may do so, but you must toy with her.
5) No boxer shall wear tassels on his boxing shoes, or trunks. (No Exceptions!)
6) A boxer is allowed to scratch his nuts whenever he wants. But he is not allowed to pick out a wedgie from his butt. (In private, it’s okay.)
7) A boxer can get a tattoo, but butterflies, dolphins and moonbeams are NEVER allowed.
8) When a boxer agrees to spar another boxer the next day, he must be punctual. Anything more than one-half hour late, without calling, means you are a wretch and the guilty boxer shall acknowledge being called a wretch for one week. (The compensation for running late is a six-pack of beer.)
9) No boxer shall ever watch any of the following TV programs:
a) Figure skating.
b) Men’s gymnastics.
c) Any sport involving women (unless viewed for purposes of appreciation of form and figure)
10) If you accidentally touch or brush against any part of another man below the waist, it is an understood accident, and NO apologies or any reference to the occurrence is necessary.
11) If your opponent accidentally, on purpose, hits you below the belt, it is understood that you wait until the next round and accidentally, on purpose, punch him back—only HARDER. (You must IMMEDIATELY apologize and seem contrite.)
12) If a hot girl shall happen to pass by and give you the eye while you are training, it is understood that, upon mutual agreement, it is perfectly fine to terminate training for that day.
13) No boxer shall ever allow anyone to speak ill of any Rocky movie. (Exception: Rocky 5).
14) A boxer has not made a mistake if he finds himself always getting hit in the face with the double-end bag while punching it. It is an odd invention and whoever invented it should be shot.
15) Unless you are a boxer under the age of 11, DON’T wear a bathing suit to the boxing gym.
16) On a long car ride to the fight, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.
17) When walking in on other boxers watching a boxing match on TV, you may ask who’s winning, but you may never ask who’s fighting.
18) A boxer, while sitting in a bar, may exaggerate the amount of fights he’s had by 50 percent without recrimination; beyond that, anyone within earshot is allowed to call out “BULL^*@*!”
19) Under no circumstances may two boxers share an umbrella.
20) When boxing, a boxer may not say “Ouch”.
With every set of laws, there are appropriate punishments. If any boxer shall happen to break any one of these laws, he will be found guilty, and will, for 24 hours from that time of the violation, be considered NOT A BOXER. During this time he will not be referred to in any masculine or athletic way, and he shall bear the name “Princess”.
(Feel free to submit any additional boxer rules to: www.RingsideBooks@aol.com)
(Peter Wood is the author of “Confessions of a Fighter” and “A Clenched Fist” available on www.Amazon.com or www.RingsideBooks.com)